Raise the Hammer

I fed Hizonner's SOTC address through a snark filter to save busy forumers further work and worry.

•

21st Century Vision
Being a mayor is a bit like being an oracle. You have to make statements constantly, but you don't want to be too specific, in case someone mistakes your opinions for a trial balloon. So when I talk about "the wisdom of assembling employment lands and building the infrastructure that is now attracting new business," you have no way of knowing whether I'm talking about the Red Hill Business Park, the Ancaster Business Park or the AEGD. That sense of mystery keeps our economy fresh.

Downtown Core
A derelict dead zone prior to the 2004 byelection, Downtown Hamilton is starting to pull its weight and pay its fair share. One day soon it may move out of the basement and get a place of its own.

Transportation
LRT is going to cost a bundle, but don't worry, a new retail tax will take care of that. As long as most of the money from the tax is spent in Hamilton, I'd be pretty happy. Although I might also put it to a referendum (watch for a decision on that in time for a deadline athat we're lobbying to have extended).

Casino
I know, I know. Again with the referendum. I hear your calls for a city-wide casino vote, but this is a case where council knows best. It's a little too complicated to get into right now, but I have it on good authority that it's a sure thing. Plus, there are lotto kiosks on every corner, so it's not like you guys aren't already gambling. I bet you are.

Communications
Nothing will make the blogosphere clam up faster than a shout-out to open data, so there you go. Although we'll ask you to trust us when we say that it is being held up indefinitely because of some internal conflicts that we are looking into. In the meantime, we'll maintain tried-and-true outreach mechanisms like consultants, charettes and call-in shows. Also we're sprucing up our website to include more white space.

Recent Terminations
We've promoted our downsizing of a large department in a way that makes us look proactive, though their budget will still increase as fast as the HPS, we may still get sued and no management will ever be held accountable. (Do you know what a golden parachute costs these days?)

Government Relations
Tri-level government investment and inter-regional cooperation has been going on for decades but Ontario is an old place so it's still technically a trend. Fact!

Higher Education
Despite my 2009 quip about McMaster being "an unwieldy leviathan ruining everything around it," I now embrace the wholesome value of a ribbon-cutting photo op during an election cycle. That and they have terrific hors d'ouevres at their functions. I did my best with the buffet here today, but Mac are the masters.

Economy
I'm pleased to announce that the volume of puffy media profiles has led to the creation of two full-time regurgitative positions clipping newspapers and magazines and posting exclamatory links to social media. #SpamOnt