Raise the Hammer

Growing up, I never had a curfew. I was simply told "We trust you, unless you give us a reason not to. So make sure you communicate, and don't break that trust."

I think that did wonders for me - in that it demonstrated trust, but also clearly laid out my responsibility.

Some friends of mine, a married couple in their twenties, took a 16-year-old into their home when his parents kicked him out. Every last house rule is posted on their fridge, and only they have the password for the Internet on the single house computer, becuase otherwise, there's going to be issues.

It's a slight tangent from the article, but I'd like to explore some of these same concepts when I (eventually...) get to do my thesis - reading things like Robert Epstein's Case Against Adolescence and Myth of the Teen Brain. Philip Graham's End of Adolescence was thought-provoking, if going a bit too far in his application ideas. But they also look at cultures throughout history and how adolescence as a whole didn't exist so much as an introductory adulthood, with responsibilities, support, and high expectations.... and how low expectations and disempowerment create many problems we have now (and a crop of twentysomethings who think adulthood, jobs, finances and marriage are not goals until they hit their thirties).

I know its pretty well known that adolescence primarily (not completely) began in the 20th-century and took off post-WWII... some of the thoughts about "youth" in the previos centuries (e.g. astrology and Venus governing the age of youth, medieval morality plays about sinful youth, etc. reinforced this and sneakily influenced our current views).

But in the face of culture changing, technology changing, education changing.... nothing is ever as influential as one's family, for good or for ill.

If one's family has demonstrated confidence, instilled responsibility and high expectations, and given their kids critical thinking skills... some may still make bad choices but there's a huge head start they've been given in their eventual move to adulthood.

I had someone sitting on my couch the other day while I was doing dreadlocoks in her son's hair... I had never met her before, and she was lamenting about her out-of-control daughter. Meanwhile she had brought StepBrothers and Notorious (both the unrated versions of the R-rated films) for their 13-year-old to watch. Not in itself the end of the universe, but another symptom of bigger issues at hand.

Again, not rocket science, but another area where it's too easy to unwittingly reflect cultural expectations, often because one has never heard another perspective, or not learned it oneself.