Entertainment and Sports

Guys Named Larry

Larry is great name and history has seen a lot of great Larries. Other Larrys, not so much.

By Kevin Somers
Published September 11, 2008

Larry is great name and history has seen a lot of great Larries. Other Larrys, not so much.

Larry Holmes was one of the best heavyweight boxers of all-time. Larry won his first 48 fights and defended the championship title 20 times in a row. Larry shares the record for the most consecutive knockouts in title fights with eight. Larry is a very under-rated athlete.

Larry Craig is my all time favourite Larry. Larry, a US Senator, was busted for trying to solicit sex in an airport toilet, but Larry claims Larry just has a wide stance and weird habits. Check him out on Youtube, Larry reeks of freak. Vote Republican!

Larry The Cable Guy is a popular comedian. I've never seen Larry, but caught parts of the 60 Minutes profile. I like Larry's catch phrase, "Get'er done!" No committees, no meetings, no consultants, no talking, just work. Contrary to popular Canadian myth, work is the only way to get anything accomplished.

Larry Flint is pornographer, first amendment maniac, and another crazy Larry. A poor hick from Kentucky, Larry's fledgling magazine, Hustler, took off in 1975 when Larry published photos of former first lady, Jackie O, how you wouldn't expect.

Larry King never grows older. Larry has looked the same for 20 years. Larry recently interviewed legendary reporter Bob Woodward, again. Woodward has spent hours alone with George Bush and he substantiated what some of us figured out before Bush was elected president twice: the man is frighteningly out of touch.

Larry Hagman, who was JR on Dallas and married to I Dream of Jeanie, is a TV legend. Larry's drinking career is just as legendary. Listeners to Jim Rome's popular sports talk show often sign emails, "Larry Hagman's Liver," after ranting about a team or athlete that has failed.

Larry Sinclair tied Larry Craig for The Craziest Larry award. Larry claims Larry snorted cocaine, smoked crack, and had sex with Barak Obama in a limousine. Larry has an extensive history of mental illness and fraud, yet Larry is all over the web making claims. That's the power and the glory and the horror of the Internet.

Larry Murphy is one of greatest hockey players, ever. Larry surpassed Tim Horton for most games ever played by a defenseman and is fifth in all time scoring for the position. Larry has won a Memorial Cup, a Canada Cup, and four Stanley Cups. Larry played for Toronto for a while. Leaf fans only love losers, apparently, because they booed Larry every time Larry touched the puck.

Larry Tanenbaum is chairman of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment. Larry's team is the amongst most lucrative, yet worst performing in league history. Larry hired Ken Dryden (now pilfering with liberal party) to be president of the Leafs. Larry makes a lot of bad decisions. No wonder the Leafs always lose.

Larry Di Ianni was the mayor of Hamilton until Fred handed him his hat. Larry is the only mayor to be convicted of violating the Municipal Elections Act of Ontario. It was no shock when the larcenous liberals recruited Larry for their vast criminal enterprise.

Larry Bird, the hick from French Lick, was a great basketball player, but a lousy father, so, ultimately, he's a schmuck and a loser.

Larry Chin was a CIA employee who sold documents to the Chinese from 1952 – 1985. To explain his excessive disposable income, Larry claimed he was blessed with great casino skills. You'd think Larry's colleagues, experts in deception and espionage, would recognize fraud: successful gambler is an oxymoron, after all.

Larry Csonka was one of the greatest guys and football players ever. One of his coaches said of him, "When Larry goes on safari, the lions roll up their windows." Larry played for the Miami Dolphins in '72, when they were perfect. A tough, Hungarian farm boy from Ohio, it's impossible not to like Larry.

Cyclone Larry hit northern Australia in March 2006, with no lives lost.

Chipper Jones and Yogi Berra are great baseball Larries with cool nicknames. Larry Berra is considered the best catcher of all time. Larry was an all star 15 times and won an incredible 10 World Series. Larry caught Don Larsen's perfect game in the 62 playoffs.

It's funny, but Larry is, perhaps, more famous for Yogisms than for playing ball. "It's like déjà vu all over again," and "It ain't over til it's over," said Larry.

Kevin Somers is a Hamilton writer.

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By Michelle Martin (registered) - website | Posted September 17, 2008 at 21:32:35

Don't forget about Larry Strung and his Hamilton 365 project! www.hamilton365.com

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